Spring 2004
Parent's Page: The College Admissions Game

By Ann Jollimore, Senior Writer

There are few life decisions more eventful for families than selecting the right college. Experienced parents know that while this time is often one in which they are filled with feelings of pride and joy, the college admissions process from beginning to end is often as stressful for them as it is for their children seeking admission to the colleges and universities of their choice.

Such is the time when dozens of unanswered questions are troubling: Is he finally leaving? Can we afford that school? Is she really making the right decision in applying to colleges x, y, and z? Should he attend a school closer to home? Will she be safe? While no advice can make this time entirely stress free, we have asked some area college admissions “veterans” to suggest some helpful dos and don’ts in helping your child through the college admissions’ process. Their recommendations are as follows:

Knowledge Is Power
Parents should begin the college admissions game by acquiring as much knowledge as possible about various colleges and universities. We are not suggesting that you memorize every annual guide to colleges and universities from front to back that you find at your local newsstand (Such an accomplishment would merely confirm your child’s growing adolescent suspicion that there really might have been a mistake made at the hospital 18 years ago). What our experts suggest is a three-step process that yields more practical results.

1. Acquire an understanding of the different types of schools that are out there (rural vs. urban, more vs. less competitive, public vs. private, large vs. small, etc.).

2. Ask your children what types of colleges and universities interest them.

3. Form a good idea of where your child stands relative to other applicants in this competitive process.

Following these steps will enable you to shorten your college admissions “homework” to a group of 10-15 colleges and universities that seem to be a good fit for your child…all things considered.

At this stage, get to know everything you can about this group of schools. The high tech revolution provides not only an outstanding window to different colleges and universities, but also offers such simple tools as search engines (i.e. google) that can prepare a parent like never before. Parents can read about alumni accomplishments, student life, budding campus controversies, etc. that leave them better prepared than ever to become a resource for their children.

John Kayser, professor of Political Science at the University of New Hampshire, explains, “Most parents know very little about the various schools that are out there. But the parents who do their homework well can help their children uncover hidden gems. For example, how many students looking for a small liberal arts college east of the Mississippi have ever heard of Kenyon College? But when you do a little homework you find that in the middle of Ohio is a school that provides one of the best liberal arts educations in the country while accepting over half of its applicants.”

The Golden Mean
The difference between parents who are able to successfully assist in the process of selecting a college and those who are not, often comes down to being able to accept that, like it or not, decisions at this stage in life must take into account mutual considerations. Too often it is tempting to play too large or too small a part in these decisions.

On one hand, some parents ask, who am I to judge what is better or worse for my child in these unchartered waters? Humbly accepting that they barely navigated these waters themselves, they attempt to encourage unconditionally at the expense of the good direction they might otherwise provide.

On the other hand, some parents doubt whether or not their children have developed the ability to make good judgments by this age. Often times, their experience provides such evidence. Thus working furiously to intercede in an attempt to prevent a major mishap, they forget that sooner or later their children will be forced to be responsible for their own decisions.

We recommend that you choose a middle course to the degree it is possible. Certainly, working towards an acquisition of a better understanding of the process (as described in the last section) will help make parents more comfortable making positive recommendations. Likewise (as will follow in the next section), realizing that no decision is final, and that students often zig and zag before setting upon a proper course, will help those parents who are having a difficult time understanding their child’s choices.
Judy Cobb, retired college professor, suggests, “Parents should guide but not decide in finding the right college. Step back and remember not to live vicariously through your child. It is not about your bragging rights. It is about what is best for your child.”

The Sky’s The Limit. . . It’s Not Falling In!
Finally, it is important to remember that no matter what choice you and your child settle upon, there’s always an opportunity to revisit the issue of selecting the right college in the future. About a third of all students end up transferring to another college prior to the completion of their undergraduate education.

More and more families are taking a closer look at community colleges and in-state institutions to ease the financial stress of the unknown. No parent welcomes the thought of spending tens of thousands of dollars on college x if their son or daughter, upon the decision to transfer, leaves behind wasted tuition dollars.

In this scenario, we advise parents to remind their children of the old inventor’s expression, “from the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success”. In other words, if they are reaching for the sky, but feel like it is falling in on them because they are not where they want to be, remind them that if they work hard, tomorrow’s opportunities await them.